


His Guardian

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Guardian - Freeform, otp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2019-10-23 16:42:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17687195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: So I woke up to some hate this morning on some of my Anisoka drawings on Instagram, so I decided to respond to it by posting more Anisoka stuff. Hate all you want I suppose, but you won't change my mind about these two being my OTP.This is a story I've kind of been thinking about on and off for awhile because I'm kind of tired of writing stories where Ahsoka is always the one doing the chasing, so after all the emotional feels of Think Twice, I wanted one where Jedi Anakin actually appreciated her more.After the life defining losses on Geonosis, including the rejection from his long time crush, Anakin is thrown together with a cute, sassy little padawan that suddenly is the most interesting thing in his life. He likes her fire, he appreciates her protectiveness of him and very quickly he trusts her with everything. Her appearance is a light in the darkness and an excellent distraction from his pain and after developing such a deep friendship with her, it slowly shifts to more. But Ahsoka is more than a shining light for him, she's also the guardian of his light and with her help, perhaps they both can reach their true potential. With or without the Jedi order.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My friend suggested making the chapters shorter, so I will attempt to try and update more often, but I start a new job next week so I don't know how consistent I will be. Also I have so many projects going what am I even doing starting another one? XD

            “Enter,” he said without looking up from the differential motivator he was working on. He squeezed his eyes shut when the door opened and flooded his work area with light. He wasn’t exactly sure how long he’d been working on the stupid device in front of him, but as far as he was concerned, any amount of time focused on it was less time he had to think about anything else. And frankly, Obi Wan was the last person he wanted to see right now, but he was here, and he couldn’t exactly ignore him.

            “We need to talk, Anakin,” his former master said without so much as a hello first.  _Wonderful_. This was never good news. It usually meant he was in trouble for who knew what at this point? Probably something stupid. Something insignificant, not even worth the effort to lecture him on. But if there was one thing Obi Wan was exceptionally good at, it was useless lectures.

            He sighed and dropped his head down on his arms feeling decidedly defeated. There was nothing Obi Wan could say at this point that could hurt him more. He was already a fraction of the man he’d once been. In fact, he really had no idea what to strive for at this point. Recently being knighted was great, he supposed. But even it felt empty now.

            “I know what happened on Geonosis was rough on you, Anakin, but you can’t spend the rest of your life hiding in a dark room running from your problems.” He didn’t even have to look at him to know he’d crossed his arms. If he was that tired of dealing with him, why did he even bother? “I’m worried about you.”  _Right... of course he was._  “You’ve barely spoken a word since. When was the last time you ate? Or got a decent night’s sleep? There’s a war going on out there now, we need you at your best.”

            “I’m fine master,” he said stubbornly and went back to working on the motivator. Obi Wan wanted him to talk huh? Well why should he? He never listened when he did. He didn’t hear anything he said to him. Besides, the things ravaging his insides like a storm right now, were things Jedi weren’t allowed to feel, so it’s not like his master would have any useful advice for him if he talked about it anyways.

            “You’re most certainly not fine, and I won’t leave until you tell me what’s going on.” He got to his feet, threw the part he’d been working on at the far wall and left the room without saying another word. What was the point anyways? Words were useless. Words would never fix what was broken inside. He took one glance at his new mechanical hand and shoved it deep inside his robes, so he didn’t have to see the abomination. 

            First, he’d lost his mother, then Padmé, whom he’d been dreaming about for ten years, and then his arm. There were no words that could fix him now. As if saying any of that to Obi Wan would do anything at all. First, he’d spend at least three hours lecturing about the dangers of attachment and that the fate of his mother was ‘unfortunate’ and of course, that people die... He ground his hand into a fist. After the way it had felt to lose her, he was almost certain he would punch his master in the face if he talked about her death in such a lackadaisical way. 

            Secondly, whether the Jedi allowed attachments or not, it didn’t change the fact that he had been craving the former queen of Naboo for ten years. Dreaming about her, about a future  _with_ her, had been one of the only things that had brought him comfort in this new, cold, lonely world. But instead, all the feelings he’d nursed for her had been brushed aside as though they meant nothing. She’d adamantly refused his advances, claiming she could not and would not have a secret relationship with him. On top of that, she’d denied having any feelings for him whatsoever. He’d been too in shock to know if she was speaking the truth or just hadn’t really considered it. But the stabbing pain from her rejection had sliced his heart into pieces, never to be whole again. He still could not believe that the things he’d felt for so long didn’t mean anything. Surely, somewhere deep inside she harbored feelings for him too? But when he’d pressed it further, the more distant and colder she’d gotten. He hadn’t even seen her since she fell out of the gunship. There was no reunion, no communication, no nothing. Just emptiness and darkness where once dreams had lived. 

            And lastly, his arm. He stopped walking long enough to squeeze his eyes shut and will the tears to go away. He’d already cried over it too much. To be so...  _incomplete_... Losing his mother had shattered his soul. Losing Padmé, his greatest dream, had shattered his heart and losing his arm had shattered his body. Was there no end to the suffering he was destined to endure? It was as though he’d been made only to suffer. That’s what it felt like now anyways. 

            Obi Wan would never understand this. Obi Wan would tell him the force worked in mysterious ways or that it was a trial of some kind that he was meant to overcome. Obi Wan would brush it aside as though it were hardly as life destroying as it felt and expect him to command armies as though nothing in the world were wrong. 

            He opened his eyes with the strongest urge to turn and punch the wall only to freeze before he could move. In front of him stood a youngling, she was tiny but probably older than she looked. Her blue eyes were bright and huge and seemed to take up most of her face. She was staring at him with a mixture of concern and pity and he had the strongest urge to tell her to mind her own business and get lost. But before he could say a word to her, she took off running down the hallway and didn’t look back.

            He stared after her in confusion, completely distracted by her sudden appearance he’d forgotten for the moment everything else that was weighing him down. He didn’t care about the younglings, but he’d never seen this one before. Never noticed her. For whatever reason though, he couldn’t shake her from his brain as he finally continued down the hallway. Why did he care about her? He had no reason to, he didn’t even know who she was. 

            But... there was something in her eyes. Something about the way she’d been looking up at him. He was suddenly sure it hadn’t been an accidental meeting. She’d either sought him out or had seen him standing there and come to investigate. He knew he hadn’t been so distracted that he’d almost bumped into her or something dumb like that. Why would she seek him out though? Why would she care? How could she possibly know what he was going through or think that she could help? He didn’t even know her! This was insanity!

            His comm went off and startled him out of his thoughts. He was surprised he’d made it this far before he’d heard from Obi Wan. He glanced around unsure exactly where in the temple he was since he hadn’t really been paying attention to where he was going. Then he brought up his left hand and clicked the button. “Yes, Master?” he said tiredly.

            “Please report to the briefing room immediately,” Obi Wan replied and then ended the call. He stared at his wrist for a moment. He hadn’t said even one thing about him walking away from him like that? And now he was being called to a mission despite his attitude? They must really be desperate. He took a deep breath and turned around, trudging his way towards the briefing room. 

            He wasn’t sure why, but that youngling’s face kept popping into his brain. Not only did it seem to push out the cloud of other stuff, it also kept him from wondering about what he was being called to do. Why couldn’t he forget about her? He shook himself and sidestepped just in time, so he didn’t collide with someone else and entered the briefing room.

            He stopped next to Obi Wan and crossed his arms, trying to refocus his messed-up brain. A mission didn’t really excite him right now, but he supposed it was better than being stuck here with too much time to think. At the very least, it would give him something else to focus on for awhile. With that, he shoved the storm in a box and tried to pretend it wasn’t there as the council started speaking. 

            When the chancellor appeared above the holotable, he gave a respectful bow. At least someone in the room, even if he was just calling in, seemed to be more understanding of his feelings. If he was going to talk about everything that happened, maybe that was who he should go to. Chancellor Palpatine might not know the Jedi ways, but at least he treated him like a person and never made him feel ashamed of his emotions. Though from the sound of the briefing, it might have to wait until he returned from Christophsis. 

            “Anakin.” He glanced at Obi Wan. “You will be leading your own legion of clones now that you’re a General. Do you have a preference, or do we need to assign one to you?”

            “Can I have Rex?” he asked quickly. Maybe if he got the 501st, the best legion there was, maybe things wouldn’t seem so bad. Captain Rex was legendary already. The clones were still new to them though. A month ago, nobody had even known they existed and now there were millions ready to go to war at a moment’s notice. And though he didn’t really like the idea of clones as being the Republic’s army, he couldn’t ignore how well trained they were. Nor could he help but notice the feats of one particular captain that seemed a cut above the rest.

            “If you want him,” Obi Wan said a little softer and set his hand on his shoulder.

            “I do.”

            “I had a feeling you would and had them assembled for this mission.” He felt a rush of gratitude towards his master. Maybe Obi Wan didn’t understand everything, but at least he understood some things. It didn’t change all the other stuff, but at least it gave him something to look forward too. It was a small consolation he supposed.


	2. Chapter 2

            The battle hadn’t gone as well as they’d hoped so it was with tired relief he looked up at the sound of a shuttle engine as it flew by overhead. This ship meant the fleet had returned. With fresh supplies, hopefully fresh men and at this particular moment, he’d welcome pretty much anything. Well anything except the stupid padawan that Obi Wan kept talking about. It wasn’t that he really cared that his old master felt compelled to train yet another student, but so quickly after finishing his own training?

            It felt a little too much like he was dumping him on his own and saying good luck, I’m out of here. The newfound freedom of being knighted was nice and now that he had his own men to command, it wasn’t like he’d be alone out here, but after losing so much... maybe he’d hoped Obi Wan would still run missions with him for awhile at least. Especially since he seemed to be the only one in the order that cared even a little about him. But try as he might, the way Obi Wan talked about this new padawan was making him feel a little bit like he was being replaced. 

            Especially since they sounded perfect. Like they were very clearly everything that he hadn’t been. And from the sound of it, Obi Wan was looking forward to training someone so much less...  _troublesome_... On top of that, the mere suggestion that he should take on a padawan already was just plain laughable. 

            They stopped walking and looked towards the shuttle with anticipation. He didn’t know exactly what he’d been expecting; men, supplies, another master, an older one... but instead he stared at the person silhouetted there in disbelief. Her?

            She looked even smaller standing there than she had in the temple hallway. He could tell she was nervous as he watched her take a deep breath. And as she made her way down the ramp, he kept expecting there to be more help coming than one... child.

            “Who are you?” he demanded, glancing at Obi Wan in confusion. This seriously couldn’t be the padawan he’d been talking about, she was so young! Unless her species aged differently than humans? He didn’t know a lot about Togruta. Had that been why she’d stopped in front of him the other day? Was she going to tell him she was Obi wan’s new apprentice? But she’s run off before she’d worked up the nerve? He crossed his arms and glared at her in annoyance as a sudden rush of resentment coursed through him. 

            Until now, even in the middle of the battle, her face had kept popping into his head as he still found himself curious about that experience in the hallway. It was such a dumb moment, but for whatever reason he hadn’t been able to shake how completely she’d distracted him from his problems just by standing there. But now it felt almost sinister. Of course she’d been there to brag. Of course she hadn’t actually cared about his feelings or anything else he’d wondered about that way. How stupid he felt now to assume or maybe even hope that someone, even this child, might have actually cared about him. He’d apparently forgotten that Jedi didn’t really care about anyone. 

            “I’m Ahsoka,” she said, trying to stand taller and make herself look important. He nearly rolled his eyes. Even standing taller, the top of her head barely came up to his chest. “Master Yoda sent me,” she continued. “I’m supposed to tell both of you to return to the temple immediately.”

            “You can’t be serious,” he muttered in disbelief. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re in the middle of a war, and not able to go anywhere!”

            “Yes,” Obi Wan cut in. “We’ve been calling for help.”

            “Master Yoda hadn’t heard from you, so he sent me to deliver the message,” she said nervously. 

            “Great, they don’t even know we’re in trouble!” 

            “Perhaps you can relay a signal through the cruiser that just dropped me off?” she suggested, and he stared at her for a moment in surprise. Why hadn’t that occurred to him first? There was no possible way this youngling knew enough about machines and how they worked to come up with that on her own. As far as he knew, he was the only one in the temple that cared about machines at all. 

            He wasn’t sure why, but the fact that she suggested something like that at all made him angrier than he already was. Obi Wan already seemed to think she was perfect and now to see that she had that kind of knowledge too? It was like he’d hunted for a better version of him to train. One that actually behaved. 

            Before he could stop himself, he turned his back on them and walked away. Fine. If Obi Wan wanted a better version of him, then he’d get out of his way. So much for a mission actually distracting him from his problems! The fighting was fun while it lasted, but all it had served to do was make everything hurt that much worse. 

            “Uh...” came a small voice behind him and he squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. “Master Skywalker? Are you... okay?”

            Okay? Of course he wasn’t okay! He spun on her, but to his surprise she didn’t back away. “I’m not your master, youngling, beat it. Obi Wan is probably looking for his new pet.”

She glanced to the side but then puffed out her chest. “I’m not a youngling,” she huffed. “I’m a padawan. And I wasn’t assigned to Master Kenobi. I was assigned to you.” She put her hands on her hips and he stared at her wide-eyed.

            “What?” He completely lost any sense of a coherent thought for the moment. This couldn’t be right! This had to be a cruel joke on him or something. The last thing he wanted right now was a stupid little kid following him everywhere. 

            “Master Yoda was very specific, ‘you’re assigned to Anakin Skywalker, and he’s to supervise your Jedi training.’” She gave him a smug look and he had half a mind to tell her off and send her back to the temple with a very unfriendly message to Master Yoda.

            “That can’t be right!” he complained. “I’m not the one that wanted a padawan, he is.” He pointed at Obi Wan that was heading their way.

            She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted before she could. “I just spoke to Master Yoda,” Obi Wan said. “He’s sending reinforcements I believe. Until then we’re to hold out here as best we can.”

            He stared between his old master and this girl wondering how this could get worse. But more specifically, how his master could be so calm about, well... about all of it.

            “You’re the one that wanted a padawan!” he said finally, unable to hold it in any longer. “But she says she was assigned to me!”

            “Is that such a bad thing?” she snapped, and he stared at her yet again in surprise. What the kriff was going on? First, she’d completely distracted him from a raging storm inside his soul, but then run away as though she were far too timid to actually speak to him. Now she had the audacity to talk to him as though she were the one making the rules and he didn’t have a clue how to even react. It couldn’t be the same person! But how were there two Togruta that looked identical? From what he understood about their species, it was impossible for two Togruta to look exactly alike. 

            He looked at Obi Wan helplessly, expecting him to reprimand her for her tone of voice, especially since he never hesitated to do the same to him. But instead, his master looked amused as though this mix-up wasn’t the least bit troubling and he was enjoying his confusion and annoyance.

            “I’m going to go check on Rex in the lookout,” he muttered finally. He couldn’t deal with this anymore. At least Rex wasn’t going to play practical jokes on him and pretend there’s nothing wrong about any of this. 

            “Better take her with you,” Obi Wan called after him. He didn’t even look back.  _Great, just great._  As if losing everything he cared about wasn’t bad enough, now everyone was teaming up on him to burden him with things he most certainly did not want. His life just kept getting better and better.


	3. Chapter 3

            He glanced at her as they rode one of the last operational lifts in the city to the lookout post but looked away quickly when she started to turn her head. He stared straight ahead, his arms crossed, watching her with whatever he could see out of the corner of his eye. Despite his anger at this obvious mix-up he was still curious about her, though he still wasn’t sure why. 

            Was it because she was a Togruta, and the only other one he’d ever known was Master Ti? Or was it her age? He’d been a padawan since he was nine, something he’d come to learn later wasn’t normal in the least. For all he knew, she could be about that same age. She was so small.        

            She was still a kid. If it was true that master Yoda had assigned her to him on purpose... why? Why give him someone so young? She looked so frail. Like she wouldn’t even have the strength to hold the way too big for her lightsaber that was clipped to her belt. Was she the worst student in her class and her only hope of getting better was being trained by him? Or did they really think she was good enough to keep up with him?

            Either way, what the hell were they even playing at sending a kid into a war zone like Christophsis? This battle was already proving way more difficult than their intel had led them to believe, so the absolute last thing he needed was to have to worry about keeping her safe too. This was ridiculous! He let out a sigh of frustration and tried to ignore the way she looked up at him. 

            Maybe the reason he was so curious about her was because he still had no explanation for what had happened in the temple hallway. Or more than that, why her mere presence had completely derailed every thought ravaging through his brain. It didn’t make any sense. Nothing had ever before so easily broken through the fog that seemed to follow him around. What was she? Who was she? And how had she done that?

            He turned his head finally deciding to just ask, but she looked quickly down at the floor and shuffled her feet. The lift rattled to a stop before he could say anything, and the doors wheeled apart with a tired hiss. She leapt across the gap and looked around. Her nerves instantly replaced with wonder and curiosity. He followed but kept his distance, watching her for awhile in confusion. Then he finally shook his head and started heading towards Rex. 

            He nodded politely to all the clones he passed, sometimes setting his hand on their shoulders or patting them on the back. It wasn’t really important to anyone else that he did this, but he was compelled to touch them as he passed them by. Both to encourage them but also to remind himself constantly that clones or not, they were good men that’s lives should not be taken lightly. 

            The war had barely begun and yet he already hated that so many good men were dying, and nobody seemed to care. Not the Republic, not the senators, not even the Jedi. He tightened his hand in a fist. Well  _he_  cared. And nobody was going to make him stop caring. 

            “What’s the word, Rex?” he asked, stopping in front of the clone captain. Rex had barely been under his command for a few days and he already trusted him. Nobody was more committed to the cause or his men than he was, and he couldn’t help but admire his leadership. He was gruff, but easy going and his men clearly respected him. And why shouldn’t they? He was tough but compassionate. He listened to them, he made them feel important, he protected them, and he never left a man behind. 

            “All quiet up here, sir,” Rex replied with a salute. Then his eyes shifted past him and widened ever so slightly. “Who’s the youngling?”

            “The name’s Ahsoka Tano,” she said before he could reply, stopping next to him. “And I’m Master Skywalker’s  _padawan_.” He had to stop himself from making a face in front of Rex and the men. He didn’t need them knowing just how unhappy he was about this situation. Not to mention the way she’d emphasized the word padawan like it made her important or gave her super powers or something. He was definitely going to have to talk to her about her attitude,  _if_  they lived through this. And the way he was feeling presently, they might not. He stopped and crossed his arms.

            “Sir, I thought you said you’d never have a padawan?” Rex asked in confusion, clearly studying the girl the same way he had, probably also wondering what Master Yoda was thinking to send a kid into the middle of a war. 

            He sighed heavily. “There’s been a mix-up, the youngling isn’t with me.”

            “Master Yoda doesn’t make mistakes,” she said hotly. “You’re stuck with me, Skyguy!” 

He stared at her blankly for a moment, both in shock and agitation. What the kriff was even going on anymore? This must be a bad dream. A horrible dream! Rex started laughing next to him and he snapped. No matter who she was or who sent her, he would not be blatantly disrespected in front of his men.

            “Now listen here, kid...” he gritted his teeth. “You are  _not_  my padawan, no matter what Master Yoda said. And you better drop the attitude if you want to make it back to the temple in one piece. We’re in the middle of a war and what I say goes. So, until I tell you otherwise, you keep that snippy little mouth shut!” At the very least, she had the decency to falter in her bravado. She stared at him wide eyed and then finally dropped her head. “Rex, here, is going to teach you respect.”

            “Uh... right,” the captain murmured from next to him. All laughter had faded, and he glared around at the people watching until they made themselves busy again. Then he stormed away. This day was going downhill fast.

            He knew he shouldn’t have talked to her like that, someone was going to hear about it, he was sure. What was the worst that could happen though? They’d punish him more than they already have? What was the point anyways? Did they really think they were helping him? How was burdening him with that... that... pain in the neck, helping him in any way? 

            He had half a mind to march back to Obi Wan right now.  _You’re the one that wanted a padawan, well take her! I don’t care who she was assigned to, I refuse!_

            He exhaled in frustration when he felt her come up behind him. She just couldn’t take a hint! Now she was disobeying his orders! He spun on her and she skidded to a stop a few paces away. He glared at her, daring her to speak and she hesitated a moment but then finally straightened. 

            “I’m not an idiot, Skyguy,” she said quickly. “All the younglings knew you didn’t want a padawan. I don’t know why Master Yoda assigned me to you, but I’m glad he did.” His anger slowly morphed into confusion. He’d just yelled at her and she was happy she’d been assigned to him? “It’s obvious you need a friend.” She turned around, running back towards Rex before he could find the words to respond to her. 

            He sat down on a broken crystal formation and stared after her. He was so flabbergasted he wasn’t even sure how to feel about what she’d just said. How could she appear in his life for such a brief amount of time and confuse him so completely? He wanted to be mad at her that she’d even remotely suggested that he needed a friend, furthermore that she’d implied that she would be that friend when he’d shown nothing but disdain and hostility towards her. But he couldn’t bring his anger forward because her statement had been a sucker punch to the gut. 

            After losing his mother, and Padmé and his arm and now no longer having the constant companionship of his old master... he really didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she might be right. 

            He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his face.  _Please let me wake up from this dream. Please oh please let me wake up._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates, working full time again has been seriously kicking my butt. (And majorly cutting into my writing time XD)

            He watched her warily as she slowly moved around the holotable studying the map of the capital from all angles. He was trying so hard to ignore her and focus on the discussion between Obi Wan and Rex, but his mind and eyes, for that matter, kept wandering back to her. He didn’t know what to think about her anymore. She was unlike any other Jedi old or young he’d ever met. He had no idea how good she was, or whether or not she was prepared for a battle, and he was especially worried now that the Separatists were marching towards their position protected by an energy shield. Things were about to get messy and bloody, and the thought of having a kid with little to no experience who probably had a weak stomach underfoot that they had to worry about was driving out all other thoughts at the moment. 

            Most of his anger had faded now as he had to put his attention back on the war, but the tingling curiosity she started in him refused to fade. Who was this kid that was both a slap in the face and oddly refreshing after being surrounded by so many stuffy masters? How had her attitude and sass not been stripped from her like it was from everyone else? Was she also a latecomer to the order? No, impossible, he would have heard about it. It meant that she’d somehow hidden it from the masters. Which made her all that much more curious to him.

            Based on what he’d seen so far, she seemed to have no control or filter over the snippy comments. So how had she hidden it so well? And if she could hide that in front of the others, what else was she hiding?

            She finally stopped next to him after having made an entire lap around the holotable seeming to have memorized the map from every angle. He couldn’t get over how small she was, exaggerated especially when she was standing next to him. He was taller than most people, even his old master and Rex. But she was especially short. Was that also normal for Togruta? Master Shaak Ti wasn’t very tall either, though her horns rose high above her head, so she appeared much taller than she actually was. This kid’s weren’t large but still looked heavy and way too big for her. 

            “If that shield’s going to be such a problem, why don’t we take it out?” she asked suddenly, and he glanced first at her and then back at the others. He’d completely lost track of what they’d been talking about, since his mind had again, wandered to her. Both Rex and Obi Wan were looking at her curiously and then at him as though expecting him to weigh in on the decision. But since he had no idea what the options were, he had little choice.

            “Uh, I for one, agree with her,” he said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. And definitely like he knew what the kriff he was talking about. Though, he cringed inwardly when they glanced between themselves. It pained him to even admit he agreed with her, but he had no idea what other options there were. Oh great, this kid shows up and talks back to him and now he forgets how to lead his own men! “The shield is the key, take it out and we take the battle.” He added, hoping that made him sound more like he knew what he was talking about. Though he almost scowled at Obi Wan when he again looked smug as though he was quite enjoying seeing him so flustered.

            “Right then.” Obi Wan brought his hand up to stroke his beard as he turned his attention back on the map. “Then you two should tiptoe through enemy lines and solve this particular problem together.”

            _Oh great!_ Why did he have to agree with her? Now of course Obi Wan would make them work together to do this. Before he could air his complaints however, about how much easier that would be by himself, Ahsoka stepped forward and made herself taller again.

            “Can do, master Kenobi,” she said. 

            “I’ll decide what we do,” he replied quickly. How was this kid so completely undermining his authority and decisions? This was getting out of control! She glanced at him clearly unperturbed by his disdain and annoyance and then started walking away. He glanced back at the other two and then hurried after her feeling more and more ridiculous by the second.  _He_  was the one in charge and he would not be usurped by this bratty little nobody. “If we survive this, Snips,” he muttered under his breath. “You and I are going to have a chat.”

            “About what?” she asked innocently.  _As if she didn’t know!_  

            “I don’t know how you got away with that attitude in the temple, but you better lose it out here. This isn’t a game,” he said in frustration. “This is life or death.”

            “I know that,” she said indignantly, crossing her arms and pouting. “But unlike you, I was actually paying attention to the briefing.”

            For a moment it felt like he’d been slapped, and he scowled at her again. “I  _was_  paying attention!”

            “Right...” she murmured. “Then how come you didn’t notice we are going the wrong way?” He looked up and around, in surprise. No, he hadn’t noticed. Because he’d been too distracted by her. This just kept getting better and better. 

            “I knew we weren’t going the right way,” he said stubbornly. “It’s never a good idea to run towards the danger until you’ve scouted it out first.”

            She looked up at him with one brow raised as though debating whether or not to believe him. He was incensed that she’d be so bold to test him when they were on such a critical mission. If they don’t knock out that shield, too many people were going to die and that was unacceptable. No matter who this kid was, he had to regain control of this situation and focus on the objective. He would not let good men die because one stupid little youngling with delusions of grandeur and importance thought it was funny to get under his skin.  

            He turned and headed into the nearest building, hoping as he took the stairs three at a time, there’d be a balcony at the top for them to look out and assess, as he’d said. He also hoped that he wasn’t about to find out she’d led him so far away from where they were supposed to be going that he wouldn’t even be able to see the marching army. And as he neared the top, he really really hoped they hadn’t wasted so much time that the droids has already gotten to Obi Wan, Rex and the rest of their men.

            “You know,” she said coming up behind him as he pushed his way out onto a balcony, that was thankfully there and quickly looked around. “I may not be a knight and a General like you yet, but I can handle it.” She sounded a little breathless like she was trying to hide that the climb had been more than she was prepared for. “I was top of my class.”

            He didn’t look at her this time, bringing up his monoculars and studying the moving army. That was a tiny piece of relief he supposed, unless of course her entire class was terrible and being the top wasn’t really that good. As he focused in on their arsenal as they marched steadily towards Obi wan’s position in the center of town, he counted tanks and spider droids and SBDs and cringed. How had the Separatists amassed so many droids in such a short amount of time? They’d destroyed the factory on Geonosis... he’d thought, much of their army with it. But despite slicing hundreds of droids in half all day, they always seemed to have more. It was like a never-ending supply. 

            “So?” she prompted when he didn’t answer. He had no idea how they were going to get through that mess to the shield generator without getting slaughtered. “What’s the plan?” 

            “I thought you were the one with the plans,” he shot back at her, secretly hoping she actually  _had_  a plan, since he was drawing blanks.

            “Nope.” She jumped down off the broken pylon and walked behind him towards the other side of the balcony. “I’m the one with enthusiasm, you’re the one with experience. Which I’m looking forward to learning from.” He froze for a moment in surprise and dropped his hand, looking over his shoulder at her. She gave him an eager smile, but he struggled to return it. He just couldn’t figure her out. 

            “Well, we have to find a way through all those droids or we don’t have a chance,” he said seriously.

            “Can we outflank them?” she asked hopefully.

            “That would take too long.”

            “Sneak through?”

            “Impossible, unless you could turn yourself into a droid...” he trailed off.

            “Well I guess I’ll just sit here and wait until  _you_  come up with a plan,” she huffed and this time he did smile.

            “Wait’s over, I’ve got a plan.” 

            “Let me get this straight,” she said after he explained it to her. “We’re going to run in front of the marching army of droids and tanks, hide under a crate and what? Hope for the best?” She put her hands on her hips. “We won’t be able to see anything; how do we know they won’t just run us over? Or worse blast it out of the way?”

            “The droids are too dumb to worry about a random piece of debris in their path. They’ll route around it. Blasting it inside their shield would cause more problems for them,” he explained. 

            “If you say so, Skyguy. But I still think this is a stupid plan,” she muttered, crouching under the crate, attempting to position herself in a semi comfortable way underneath it so there was still room for him. Once she stopped moving, he squeezed his way under too and let it drop down on top of them. 

            It was a tight fit, his body was so long it was uncomfortable to tangle himself up enough and still be able to crawl forward. It was a really good thing, now that he thought about it, that she was so small. She hardly took up any room and had much more maneuverability than him. 

            “And now we wait,” he said, glancing her way now that his eyes had mostly adjusted to the dark.

            “I hope you’re right about this,” she sounded uncertain for the first time since she’d stepped off the shuttle. He studied the side of her face. For all her talk and sass, she looked nervous. Maybe he had been too hard on her. From the sound of it, it hadn’t been her choice to be thrown into this mess either, but from the moment she’d appeared, all he’d thought about was how she was a burden to him. Not once had he wondered if she was okay with being here. And now that he watched her swallow and try to put on a brave face, guilt pumped through him. Maybe all her bravado had been to hide her nerves. 

            “Hey,” he said, reaching out to touch her softly on the shoulder. She jumped a little in surprise and he let go. “We’ll get through this. I promise.”

            She looked him over with her big eyes that seemed to glow in the dark. He wasn’t sure why, but he liked them. She studied him for a moment and he smiled encouragingly and then finally she nodded. 

            They both turned their attention back towards the encroaching army, and then they started crawling towards it. Slow enough to not be noticed by the standards in front and finally pausing when the metal footsteps sounded right outside their hiding place. The sound was so loud, it was hard to even think. But as he glanced at Ahsoka again, he really hoped he could keep that promise.


	5. Chapter 5

               They crawled for a long time even though they hadn’t heard any droids for awhile. They’d gone under their deflective energy shield, made slow progress as the basics and SBDs had gone by, had a few hairy moments navigating between the tanks, but now it seemed like they must be way past the marching droids. But since Jedi couldn’t sense droids, he wasn’t sure he was ready to risk throwing off their cover. Because who knew what kind of army they’d left guarding the shield generator?

               “Can you hear anything?” he whispered to Ahsoka. He didn’t know a lot about Togruta, but he knew they had way better hearing than most species. She stopped moving and got a faraway look in her eyes and he did his best to not make any distracting sounds. 

               “Nothing close, but it’s hard to know for sure,” she said with uncertainty. “This crate dampens a lot of ambient sounds. “Do we still need it? I can’t take it anymore.”

               “You’re not claustrophobic, are you Snips?” he smirked to himself.

               “Of course not,” she said quickly. “But when Master Yoda told me I was heading into a war zone, I thought we’d be fighting, not hiding under debris.”

               “Well, there’s a lot of ways to fight a war and sometimes just running into the middle of it, isn’t the best way to handle it.”

               “That’s funny coming from you,” she said, looking away. Presumably to hide her smile.

               “What do you mean by that?” he asked in annoyance.

               “It’s just you’ve already gotten quite a reputation. The padawan gossip chain says that you  _always_  run into the middle of it.”

               “Oh, what the kriff do they know?” He waved his hand. “I’ll have you know that I only run into battles like that if I know I can  _win_  them.” He tried to puff out his chest, but he knew it definitely didn’t have the effect he wanted hunched over on his knees like a drunkard.

               “You don’t think that’s just a bit,  _er_ … cocky?” she asked. He was about to give her a piece of his mind for her attitude when he realized she wasn’t teasing. In fact, she’d actually sounded somewhat worried about him.

               “What’s the matter, Snips?” he asked. “You don’t think the best Jedi they’ve seen in a thousand years could handle a few measly battle droids?”

               “I know you can,” she murmured. “But even the best need people to watch their back.”

               “Oh yeah?” he laughed. “Are you up for the task?”

               “Master Yoda thinks I am,” she whispered, not sounding as sure as he expected.

               “I didn’t ask what Master Yoda thought.” He rolled his eyes. It was Master Yoda this, Master Yoda that with her. Were all the younglings this suffocating? They think just because the leader of the Jedi threw them into a situation, they truly had what it took to handle it? Of course not. He threw them into situations like that to test them. Many weren’t as ready as they were led to believe. Why would Ahsoka be any different? “What do  _you_ think?”

               “Um…” she hesitated a moment and looked away. “I think if he put me here, he thinks I can handle it. Why else would he send me instead of someone more experienced?”

               “I’ve been wondering the same thing since you arrived,” he muttered to himself. He ignored her frown and looked straight ahead again. “Well, we better get moving. I can hear the heavy cannons. The sooner we get this shield down, the better.”

               “I get it, okay?” she said suddenly. “You don’t like me and you’re not happy. But you haven’t even given me a chance to prove myself.”

               “You think that will change anything?” He felt suddenly grumpy. Yeah, he most definitely  _wasn’t_  happy about this and he was glad she knew that. Why the hell would he be happy about being burdened with a snot-nosed little kid who had the audacity to call  _him_  cocky when she’d had nothing but a better-than-you attitude since she’d arrived?

               “Yes, I do,” she said and promptly stood up, pushing the crate with her and immediately walked into a droideka. 

               “So impressive,” he muttered as they fell backwards. He had his lightsaber out blocking blasts as he scooted backwards. He felt a flash of fear from her, but didn’t have time to worry about it, since the thing now had its shield up and nothing they were deflecting was doing anything to slow it down. At least she was managing to hold her own for the moment.

               She did this strange half flip thing and was back on her feet far faster than he’d managed. Not wanting to be outdone, he scrambled to a standing position too and fell into the rhythm of the droids blasts. He was trying not to watch her movements but he noticed that she swung her lightsaber awkwardly around in a reverse grip. At least it looked awkward to him, she seemed to be handling it just fine.

               Her swings were smooth and natural and he smiled in spite of himself when he saw the focus and determination in her eyes. Well at least she’d been right about one thing, she was good. But he was still far from impressed. Standing in one spot and deflecting blaster fire from a single target was hardly anything to write home about. He felt his heart clench at the thought and put his attention back on the droid.

               “We can’t beat it’s shield!” she said through gritted teeth. 

               “Ahsoka, run!” he ordered.

               “Run? Jedi don’t run!”

               “Just do it!” At the same time they turned and sprinted away, deflecting the last few bolts before the droid put down its shield and started rolling after them. “Okay stop!”

               “Make up your mind!” she huffed in annoyance, screeching to a halt. He expected her to just stand there stupidly, waiting for his next instruction, but instead she spun around and sliced through the droid several times since it hadn’t stopped rolling and put up its shield again. He felt a little stupid slicing through the remains a couple more times, but hey... you could never be too careful.

               He looked up at her feeling like he should comment on the initiative she’d shown to seize the opportunity without having to be told to do it, but he saw her smug look and swallowed the compliment. The last thing he wanted to do was give her a bigger ego than she already had. 

               “Well, that was fun,” she said as though trying really hard to start a conversation with him. He brushed it off. He didn’t want to have a conversation with a youngling. He didn’t want to talk to her about anything. He just wanted them to finish this mission so he could convince somebody to take her off his hands. Then he could go back to moping and being ignored. Which at the moment, sounded like the best thing in the world. 

               “Wars aren’t supposed to be fun,” he snapped, brushing past her and heading towards the generator that he could barely make out in the distance. “That was stupid and reckless and you need to pay more attention to your surroundings.”

               “Wow, you are so much more uptight than they said you’d be,” she muttered, scurrying after him. He wanted to ignore her comment but it started bugging him. 

               “Who said I was uptight?” He crossed his arms and glared at her.

               “Everyone.” She shrugged. “But I told them they were wrong, you were just lonely.”

               “Lonely?” he asked in surprise. “What makes you think I’d be lonely?”

               “You really want me to say?” She put her hands on her hips. “Or is this one of those things that if I answer truthfully you’ll just get mad at me?”

               “Why do you think I’m lonely?” he asked again, a little softer this time. He was trying not to think about the cost of this delay but he really needed to know why this kid he’d barely known for an hour was so sure she knew what was going on inside his head. And if that was why she’d sought him out in the temple. 

               She looked down and shuffled her feet and he watched her take a deep breath. “You practice alone, you walk the halls alone, even in a room full of people you keep your head down. You don’t make eye contact with anyone, when you are with someone it’s only ever Master Kenobi. I’ve seen you in the library alone, in the cafeteria alone, in the gardens alone...” she trailed off. I don’t know how you couldn’t be lonely when you spend so much time...  _alone_.”

               He chewed on her words for a few minutes debating between  _you’ve been watching me?_  and  _how did you know?_  And finally he settled on, “and you think you can do anything about that?”

               “I want to,” she whispered. 

               “Why?” he asked before he could overthink it. He didn’t want to let her in, he didn’t want some little kid that would never understand the pain in his heart. He wanted his mother back. Or Padmé. Or something... not her.

               “Because I know all about being lonely,” she admitted, refusing to make eye contact with him. “And I thought maybe we could not be so lonely, together....” 

               He stared after her in surprise as she took off running in the direction of the shield generator. Shame coursed through him as he watched her back. All she’d wanted was a friend and he’d been nothing but rude to her since she arrived. 

               In that moment he knew the truth, she’d been assigned to him for good reason; and whether he wanted a padawan or not didn’t matter, but maybe... maybe he needed one. Maybe she’d been right all along, he really needed a friend right now. And maybe she wasn’t the person he’d have chosen, but maybe she was exactly the right one. 

               All the others probably wouldn’t have lasted this long with him before begging Obi Wan to take them instead. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure he was ready for the responsibility, but he was ready to try. Considering where his head had been five minutes ago, he was surprised by that about face. 

               “Ahsoka,” he called after her, running to catch up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, sorry. But the next one will be longer :)

            “Hey,” he said softly, finally tracking her down in the mess hall. She’d disappeared shortly after they’d returned to the battle cruiser and once he’d finished briefing Rex and the men, he’d gone looking for her. They’d probably been an hour underway by the time he’d found her. She was poking at her food absentmindedly as though she’d forgotten anything else existed.

            “Hey Master,” she replied simply and finally put the fork down. She’d been holding it backwards too. He sat down across from her, tucking his long legs under the table and looked her over. With everything going on, he hadn’t taken the time to really look. Other than furtive glances anyways. He’d agreed to train her, she’d sounded excited. But now that everybody else had disappeared, she seemed almost sullen. And he suspected he knew why. 

            “I wanted to, uh... apologize. For earlier.” He had a hard time meeting her big blue eyes when they looked up at him. It wasn’t that he didn’t like them. Quite the opposite actually, but she had this way of feeling like she was looking straight through him and it made him uncomfortable. He also didn’t like how she’d so easily caught on to the loneliness that he’d been carrying for so long. He didn’t really want her to know all his pain, and he didn’t really want to let her in like that. But this time it was for entirely different reasons than it had been down there on Christophsis. “I was out of line and I’m sorry.”

            “Did Master Kenobi tell you to apologize?” she asked. 

            He flashed an annoyed look and she chuckled. “What? No.” He leaned back and crossed his arms. He was trying to be nicer but if she kept doing stuff like that, he wouldn’t bother apologizing. 

            “So you mean it?” He stared at her. What the kriff was her game, huh? How come she couldn’t just act like a normal person?

            “Of course I mean it. But I’ll take it back if you keep being snippy with me,” he huffed. She studied him for a moment and he tried his hardest to keep his face straight and not stammer under her intense gaze. 

            Finally she shrugged. “Yes.”

            “Yes? Yes what?” This was going to be a long commitment if they couldn’t even talk to each other.

            “You  _were_  out of line, and I’m glad you noticed,” she said. Then she picked up her utensil and went back to prodding at her food. He had no idea why, but her attitude made it really hard to even  _want_  to be nice to her. She just seemed to hit every pressure point he had, and it was getting infuriating to hold it in. He had half a mind to give up and just walk away, trying again when they got to Teth. Either that or he needed to lecture her right here and now about her behavior. The last thing he needed in the middle of battles was a surly teenager that didn’t obey orders. “But so was I,” she interrupted his thoughts and he stared at her, mouth slightly agape in surprise. “And I’m sorry too.” She looked up at him nervously and he closed his mouth. “I just wanted to impress you, but I failed.” She dropped her head again. “I made every mistake possible. Stupid!”

            “No, you didn’t,” he whispered, still unsure about the change of moods. “I mean yeah, you need to listen to commands better, but you didn’t fail, Snips. We destroyed the shield generator and won the battle. You should be proud.”

            “I guess,” she said somberly.

            “Why aren’t you happy about that? What are you trying to prove?”

            “That I’m not too young to be your padawan,” she said, finally pushing the half-eaten plate of food off to the side. 

            “How old are you anyways?”

            Her eyes flitted to his then away. “Fourteen.”

            “Normally they don’t choose younglings to be padawans until they’re nineteen,” he commented, and she nodded and dropped her head down on the table. “So that must mean you’re really good.” She looked up in surprise. “You said you were the top of your class.”

            “Yes...” 

            “So why do you think Master Yoda chose you to be a padawan now?” he asked curiously, wondering what she’d say now that they were the last two people in the mess hall. Now that they weren’t in the heat of battle. Now that they weren’t bickering...

            “I don’t know.” She looked away. 

            “Come on, tell me.”

            “Because I asked him if I could be,” she whispered so quietly he wasn’t sure he heard her right. 

            “You asked him?” he stared at her in disbelief. “Why?”

            “Um...” she looked suddenly uncomfortable and her eyes flickered to the door. He half expected her to get up and run away. But then finally she took a deep breath and played with her fingers. “Because as brilliant as you are, I think you need me.”

            “Why would I need you?” She flinched at his words and he instantly felt guilty. He wasn’t trying to be rude, he was just surprised. What would have made this kid think he’d need her? He supposed it was possible he did, but he wasn’t sure how yet.

            “We’re a lot more alike than you think,” she said finally. “And I think the force was drawing me to you. I don’t really know why yet. But Master Yoda felt it too, that’s why he agreed to let me come.”

            He stared past her at the wall in deep thought. Why would the force bring him Ahsoka? What did she have or could offer that he needed? Master Qui-Gon had once said that everything happens for a reason. So, it was no accident she was here, even if he was still confused by the situation. It was just hard to imagine why the force would bring him a kid. She was only five years younger, but it was still strange. She’d said he needed a friend, but if that was true, it seemed unlikely Master Yoda would assign him one. After all, relationships of any kind were forbidden, so the last thing the leader of the Jedi would do was encourage one. She was cute, but he doubted they’d ever find that kind of chemistry, and he wasn’t quite ready to give up on Padmé yet. 

            He heard her shift uncomfortably and he looked at her again.  _We’re a lot more alike than you think._ Her words echoed in his head. How could she know that? He’d never let anybody in. There was no way she could know him well enough to make that kind of assumption. 

            He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and sighed. “I guess we’ll have to wait and see why the force thinks you should be here.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Forgot to mention there's a time skip here so this is several years after the last chapter- unintentional editing where I edit out the time cue) XD

          He stumbled from the wreckage, rubbing his head. “Master?” He called out and waited, but there was no response. “Rex?” Still nothing. “Ahsoka?” He looked around in concern. There wasn’t a lot to see, white everywhere you looked.

          The ship was probably in a thousand pieces at least. He tried each of their comm channels and got nothing but static in response. It was too early to worry just yet, storms like these often disrupted communications. Deciding he needed a higher vantage point, he scaled the canyon wall to his left. 

          Now that he was higher, there was even less to see. He could just barely make out pieces of the ship across the snowy plains, but no sign of movement from any direction. He called out to them again as he ran towards the largest part he saw. Still no answer. No signs of life around this section. He ran to the next, but there was nothing.

          Where could they be? The crash had been bad, but to be absolutely nowhere near each other usually only happened if they’d been sucked out of the moving ship.

          He scanned the horizon in all directions, trying to ignore the cold breeze that blew through his hair. The ship had broken into several pieces before the final crash, maybe they _had_ fallen out? He’d been too focused on trying not to land in a fiery death, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen the other three. 

          He tried to swallow his rising panic and worry. At least the enemy that had been chasing them didn’t seem to be anywhere nearby either. Unless they were following one of the others. He took a deep breath and reached out with the force. 

          He couldn’t sense Obi Wan, or Rex, or Ahsoka really, but he felt a pang of some kind. Something was disrupting the flow of the force on this planet. He sighed in frustration and continued to scour all the pieces he could find in the intensifying snowstorm. He was getting colder by the minute. Their robes and clone armor offered some protection but not enough to withstand the night out in the bitter cold. He needed to find them.

          _What if they were injured? What if they were being attacked? Or worse?_

          He rubbed his arms, shivering against the breeze as it dropped in temperature. He suddenly remembered that Ahsoka had been wearing her usual fighting clothes, not snow gear. If he was cold in his heavy robes, she must be freezing. He had to find her. As worried as he was for Obi Wan and Rex, finding Ahsoka was suddenly his top priority. 

          If they weren’t near any of the wreckage, they were either also looking for each other or they’d decided to seek out shelter. The ship was too badly broken to offer enough shelter and he’d already established they weren’t there. He glanced back down in the canyon. Further down the path there might be some caves. It was his best bet.

          He pulled himself together and dropped back down to the floor of the valley. He continued walking along looking for caves or any sign of them. The snow was falling too hard to see footprints now, but after awhile he saw something sticking out of the snow. He ran to it and pulled it free. It was Rex’s med kit, but there was no sign of him anywhere. He called out again but got no response.

          Holding onto the med kit, he continued along the path, scouring it for any signs of them. At one point he had to stop and tuck the kit under his arm so he could rub his hands together. His upper arm on the right side was getting especially cold next to his mechanical arm. It felt like his ears and nose might freeze off any minute. 

          Fifteen minutes later he saw something glistening on the side of a rock. He crouched down. Blood... he frantically called out. Still no answer. He looked around and saw a trail of it leading to the mouth of a cave not far away. Forgetting the cold for a minute, he raced towards it. 

          “Ahsoka?” he yelled in the entrance. 

          “Ma-aas-ter...?” He heard her stutter so faintly in response. 

          “Ahsoka!” He ran after the sound, hoping it hadn’t echoed and he was following the wrong one. 

          Halfway down the first tunnel he saw a pool of blood, getting darker and more of it as he followed along. 

          “I- I-m- m... so... cold,” she said, looking up at him when he came around a corner. 

          “Hang in there, okay?” he said, dropping to his knees in front of her. “You’re going to be okay.” He wasn’t sure if he was saying that to comfort her or himself. She was in bad shape. Besides the blood pooling on the rocky ground near her left side, her normally vibrant orange skin was dull and starting to turn purple. Ice crystals were forming on her eyelashes and the tips of her fingers were a grungy blue color.

          He unhooked his belt and threw off his leather tabards, pulling off his outer robe and throwing it around her shoulders, wrapping it around her as tight as he could without hurting her further. 

          She coughed hoarsely like she wanted to say something, but her teeth chattered instead. “Shh,” he said softly. “We’re going to get through this.” She nodded slowly, which clearly took a lot of effort. “We have to get this glass out of your side, but it’s in really deep.” He scooted on his knees closer to her, opening the med kit and pulling out alcohol wipes and gauze. Along with some sterile pincers. 

          She reached out and touched him on the arm, her movements jerky and labored. He looked up at her face and saw the fear in her eyes. “I... I... trust... trust... yo... you.” He nodded at her reassuringly. Then he reached out his left hand for her to take.

          “Hold on tight, this will hurt.” She gripped his hand with a surprising amount of power considering how weak she was. He closed his eyes and reached into the force, spreading his other hand over the wound and feeling his way inside. It was imbedded deep, but thankfully seemed to have missed all the vital organs. Getting it out would be tricky though. 

          He started to pull on it with the force and she gasped in pain, gripping him tighter. As much as it hurt him to hear her, he had to concentrate. After an agonizingly long time of trying to pull it out without causing more problems, it finally landed on the cave floor with a loud and distinctive clunk. 

          He opened his eyes to see that she’d dropped her head back, her eyes closed, her breathing labored, still gripping his left hand so tight it was starting to go numb. He reached into the med kit and immediately tried to clean the wound and frantically stop the bleeding. Eventually she grimaced and released his hand so he could use both to finish bandaging her up. When he got her patched up as best as he could, he looked her over, watching her breath in the cold cavern. 

          He wasn’t sure if she was still conscious or not, so he wrapped his robe tighter around her and rubbed himself. He’d been so focused on treating her wounds, he’d ignored how cold he was too. He got to his feet and paced around for a bit, trying to keep moving and warm himself up. He hadn’t seen any trees while he’d been outside, nothing to make a fire or anything. 

          He headed back towards the entrance of the cave, but the snow was falling so hard now he couldn’t see more than a foot in front of his face. He didn’t want to think about what would have happened if it had taken him any longer to find her than it did. He hoped Obi Wan and Rex were safe, but right now, he needed to keep his attention on Ahsoka. With an injury like hers, the cold was all that much more dangerous. 

          He made his way back to her side and sat down next to her. “Anakin,” she whispered after a few minutes, her voice a little stronger than it had been. 

          “Yeah Snips?” he asked.

          “Would you, would you hold me?” she breathed, her eyes fluttering a little, not looking at him but staring straight ahead. 

          He scooted closer, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her into his chest, trying to be careful not to injure her further. She nuzzled her face into his shirt, probably trying to warm her nose too. He held her as tight as he could, trying to keep her warm with his own body heat. Despite how cold she appeared, she felt warm there in his arms. 

          Her breathing deepened and he could feel her relax against him. He rocked her back and forth trying to keep himself moving and her warm while she slept. He wasn’t sure how much time passed or what was happening outside. He wasn’t even sure if he managed to stay awake for all of it. But he held her protectively in his arms, as though both their lives depended on it.

          “General Kenobi!” He started at the sound of Rex’s voice. “I found them.” He blinked up at the bright light now shining in their faces. Ahsoka stirred in his arms but cuddled in closer.

          “Thank the force,” Obi Wan said, stepping up beside Rex and looking them over. “Cuddling with your padawan, I see.” He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. 

          “I was protecting her,” he said defensively.

          “Of course,” Master Kenobi said and reached out to try to help Ahsoka up. “There’s a med ship waiting to get us out of here.” 

          She grimaced in pain and to all of their surprises, she actually fought off Obi Wan and curled back into him. His master raised a brow and then looked at him.

          “I’ll carry her,” he said, trying to shift so he could get his arm under her knees and scooped her up so he could get to his feet too. Then he followed Obi Wan and Rex out of the cave towards the ship that was waiting for them. He could feel her weakness in his arms, but she was stable and soon she’d get any medical care she needed. 

          He hated to admit it but holding her all night had felt really good. And more than that, even in her semi-conscious state, she hadn’t wanted anyone other than him to touch her. He cradled her protectively as they got aboard and reluctantly set her down on the hospital bed, so the Doctor droid could get to work. 


	8. Chapter 8

            He sat off to the side once the droid had finished, staring at his hands. This time had been too close. He couldn’t help but think about how far they’d come since she’d become his padawan. Despite his unwillingness to let her in, she’d ended up in anyways. She’d proven time and time again that she’d be right there beside him no matter what. It was hard to believe it had been three years since he’d first met her. Hard to imagine his life without her now. Was that normal for taking someone under your wing or was this more?

            Though his main thought the whole time he’d rocked her and held in her the cave was to keep them both alive, he was having a really hard time denying it anymore. She was more than his padawan. She was his best friend. She was the person he turned to in every situation, no matter what the circumstances. She was the person he trusted the most, not just with his men, but with his own life and with the lives of others. 

            While he waited for her to wake up, he thought about that first day; their first mission. He thought about how rude he’d been to her. How convinced he’d been that she wasn’t worth the time or energy or that she shouldn’t even be there. He thought about the critical way he’d studied everything she’d done, waiting to be impressed; convinced he wouldn’t be.       And then he thought about how she’d asked to be his padawan. Something had motivated her so strongly, to go to the leader of the Jedi and request it. Not only was that crazy in itself, since students rarely get a say in who chooses to train them, she knew full well the mess she was getting into with him and she still wanted to be there. She’d asked to be his padawan five years earlier than she’d normally be allowed to be one. Probably crazier than all of that, she’d gotten what she’d asked for.

            So, either Master Yoda knew something he didn’t or there really was no figuring the force. He shrugged and sat back, slumping down in the chair. All he knew for certain right now, was that if he’d lost her last night, or any other night… he doubted he’d know what to do with himself. Very possibly, he’d become a danger to everyone. Which didn’t make him feel very good at all, if he were honest.

            His gaze drifted up her sleeping form, lingering on her chest, taking comfort in the way it rose and fell. He’d never expected her to become so important to him, now he couldn’t imagine even one aspect of his life without her. But what would happen if they took their relationship to the next level? Did she even want him like that? If he were smart, he’d wait until the war was over. Then maybe things could be different. Then she could be more than his student. He shouldn’t want her like that, but he did. He really, really did. And the way she’d felt in his arms had only cemented the growing feelings. This was not good.

            He was at her side the instant he saw her eyes flutter. “Hey,” he smiled at her, sitting down on the bed.

            “Hey master,” she yawned. “What happened?”

            “Nothing important.” Okay that was a lie. It was important. Well to him anyways. Holding her had been very important and not just to keep her alive and warm. His eyes lingered on her lips for a moment too long before he dropped his gaze.

            “I almost died, didn’t I?” He looked back at her.

            “Well you certainly gave it a good shot,” he tried to joke but it wasn’t funny. She didn’t laugh.

            “Are you okay?”

            He gave his best, ‘as if you need to ask’ smirk, but she saw right through him. He knew that, because she always did. “I’m the one that should be asking if you’re okay.”

            She shook her head and sat up, grimacing slightly and he was about to tell her to stay down and rest, but she brought her hand up to his cheek and turned his head back towards her. “When I was alone in that cave,” she started softly. “All I could think about was you. I knew I had to stay alive because what would you do without me?” She pinched his cheek gently and chuckled, dropping back on the bed.

            He smiled at first, but it faded in an instant as a tidal wave of fear crashed through him. “I don’t know,” he choked. He watched her move her hand over and take his and he squeezed his eyes shut. 

            “I don’t plan on leaving you any time soon,” she whispered. “But even if I had to… I’ll always be with you. Always.”

            “Ahsoka…”

            “Do you know why I asked Master Yoda to be your padawan?” He looked up at her curiously.

            “You said you were drawn to me. That you knew I needed you.”

            “Both those things are true, but there’s more.” He shifted so he could look at her better. “That day in the temple, right before you left for Christophsis, do you remember?”

            “Yeah of course,” he said quickly. “I couldn’t forget it. You came out of nowhere and completely disrupted my thoughts.”

            “I had a dream, the night before. I was being called. I followed the voice. I didn’t know who was calling me, but I felt compelled to go to it. I followed it through pain and heartbreak and loneliness, through rough terrain, through violent oceans, through complete darkness… Then I finally found it. The source of the voice… was you. You called to me, you told me you needed me. You told me if I didn’t come, bad things were going to happen.”

            “What kind of bad things?” he asked nervously.

            She screwed up her pretty face in concentration for a moment. “I don’t remember exactly what you told me.” She sounded disappointed.

            “It’s okay, rest for now, we can talk about this some other time.” The truth was he wanted to talk about it right now. She’d had a dream about him calling to her. Was it possible he’d known before he’d known that he would need her? Was it possible that he cried out to her without even being aware of it? Or had he cried out in general and she was the only one that had answered? 

            He glanced at her again and saw that she was studying him. “Even if I don’t remember the details of the dream, I remember the way it felt,” she whispered, squeezing his hand. “I remember seeking you out, looking for you everywhere, but I couldn’t find you. You were probably in your room, you rarely left it for awhile after Geonosis.”

            “Yes, I was. At least until Obi Wan came in wanting to talk which I didn’t want to so...”

            “I was about to give up but then I decided that maybe I could connect with you like how I did in the dream. So... I followed your pain.”

            “I was so absorbed in it, I wasn’t thinking about anything else. I was drowning in self-pity, wondering why all the bad stuff seemed to happen to me.” He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand without really thinking. “And when I opened my eyes, you were standing there, like a beacon of light. But before I could ask who you were, you ran away.”

            She chuckled softly. “Yeah. I ran away because as soon as you saw me I felt your pain crash over me and I panicked. I wanted to help you, but I didn’t know how, and I didn’t think you’d let me in. And then I thought maybe if I confused you, at least it would distract you for awhile.”

            “It certainly did that,” he laughed this time. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you all day. To the point that even in the heat of battle I kept seeing your face. Wondering who you were and what that was about.”

            “I went straight to Master Yoda after you were sent to Christophsis. I’d been thinking about my dream all day. I didn’t know if he’d understand or even agree but I had to ask.”

            “What did he say?” He held his breath, hoping she’d tell him. 

            “Tumultuous his heart is,” she quoted, making herself sound like the old grandmaster.

            “You could say that again.”

            “Fear, pain, suffering, loss,” she continued. “All paths to the dark side.” He dropped his head, feeling his heart clench. “In you, hope. Light. Be that, for him.”

            She pulled herself up again he caught her around the back while she shifted her legs more comfortably. Then she intertwined her fingers with his left hand and leaned against his shoulder. Neither of them spoke for a long time as they stared out the window at all the stars. He reveled in the way she felt against him, mulling over her words and the things Master Yoda had said. Wondering if that was why she pushed herself so hard every day. Did she believe she was the only thing keeping him from falling to the dark side? What if she was right about that?

            “Anakin,” she whispered finally.

            “Yeah?”

            “Do you believe that two people are meant for each other?”

            “I definitely believe that the force brings people together that need to know each other,” he replied. “You’re proof of that.” He watched her blink slowly out of the corner of his eye.

            Then finally she straightened and looked up at him. “The Jedi don’t allow attachments, but we end up attached to people anyways. I think it’s nature. Maybe even the point of life to make connections...” she trailed off and looked down at her lap.

            “I love you,” he breathed before he could stop himself. Then his eyes widened in panic. What the kriff was he doing?

            She looked back up at his face. She didn’t look surprised or stressed or even worried about what he’d just said. He might have thought she hadn’t heard it, but he knew better. Her Togruta hearing wouldn’t have missed that at all. “I love you, too.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates lately, I think I needed a break from writing. I wasn't having much luck pulling complete thoughts together. Hopefully we're back in business XD

            “Ahsoka! Stop running!” he called after her, though he may as well have been wasting his breath. That’s what it felt like anyways. He couldn’t believe what was happening, it was like the whole world had gone suddenly mad. His padawan, accused of treason? Not possible. There was no way she’d done it. But now she was a fugitive, now he’d been ordered to chase her down, to capture her.

            “I can’t master!” she cried from somewhere further down the sewer pipes. He followed her voice.

            “Wait,  _please!_ ” he said, putting up his hands when she backed towards the hole that would drop her down the core. The last thing they needed was her to accidentally fall. She looked scared and exhausted. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to reassure her, he wanted to make her safe. But right now, she was running from him too. “We need to go back to the order, they’ll help you. Running only makes you look guilty.” He took a step forward and again she backed up and he stopped.

            “I’m not guilty!” she said pleadingly, tears welling in her eyes.

            “I know that! You have to trust me!”

            “I do trust you,” she said, but her voice cracked halfway through. Had he done something to break her faith in him? Or rather had he failed to do something?

            “Please, Ahsoka…” he begged. “Let’s plead your case to the council.”

            “You know as well as I do, they won’t listen. They didn’t before, why would they now?” He didn’t have an answer to that, and he hated it. She was right.

            “What are you hoping to do on your own? Let me help you.” They both froze when they heard Rex calling out from somewhere in the maze of sewers. She stepped backward again, and he shook his head at her. She stared at him as though expecting him to respond to Rex and lead the rest of the troops right to her. He was supposed to, that’s what he’d been ordered to do.

            He listened to Rex getting closer and he closed his eyes, reaching out into the force. This was more than complete his mission or let her go. This moment, right here… this would shape their entire future. He knew what he was expected to do, but he couldn’t do it. No matter how much of his life and energy he’d devoted to the Jedi, he knew they were wrong about this. That what they’d done was wrong. And if he took her back there now, he’d be as bad as the rest of them.

            He used the force to move a grate some distance away and heard their footsteps receding as they headed to investigate. Once he knew they were out of range he opened his eyes and looked at her again.

            “Whatever happens from here on out, I’m right beside you,” he promised. She stared at him for a moment in surprise.

            “But your mission-”

            “No mission is more important to me than you.” He finally moved again, hoping that she wouldn’t jump now. He grabbed her before she’d made up her mind what to do. “I need you, Ahsoka.”

            “But the Jedi-”

            “Right now, you’re the only thing that matters to me,” he whispered as he pulled her against his chest.

            “I can’t ask you to give it all up for me.” He heard her say somewhat muffled against his chest. Despite the fact that moments before she’d been running from him too, she’d buried her face and clung to him.

            “You didn’t ask,” he whispered, kissing her on the forehead. “I offered.”

            “But they need you.” She blinked up at him.

            “What about you?” he asked. She looked sullen for just a moment, as though debating whether or not to answer it truthfully. But to be honest, it didn’t really matter what her lips said, he’d seen the answer in her eyes. Something he knew she’d never admit to because she always put duty first; if not her own, the duty of others. “I love you. And if we have to go on the run, I’m going with you. We’ll fight the war a different way.”

            She still looked unsure, which bothered him more than he expected. Maybe she didn’t really need him. Or want him. It didn’t matter though, because  _he_  needed her, and he wasn’t going to let her go. He ran his fingers along her jaw and tipped her head back, leaning down to kiss her lips. But right before he hit his target, his comm went off.  _Kriff._ He stepped back so she was out of range and answered the call. A small hologram of Rex appeared above his wrist.

            “We lost her, sir,” the captain said. “How do you want to proceed?” He looked over the image at her. She was looking at him, her eyes wide. He was certain she was seconds from jumping down the core, so he had to think fast.

            “I chased her up to level 300,” he said quickly. “But then I lost sight of her in the crowd. Regroup up here and fan out. Knock on doors if you have to, she can’t have gone that far.”

            “Yes sir!” Rex replied, and the call ended.

            “But…” she whispered, glancing around. Written on the pipe wall to the left clearly said level 500.

            “That ought to keep them busy for awhile.” He tried to smile reassuringly at her, but she still looked uncomfortable. “Ahsoka, listen to me,” he said softly trying to move closer to her again. “I don’t know how, but I’m going to prove your innocence. You have to trust me though. If we work together, we can figure this out, but if you keep running from me, I can’t help you.”

            “Do you know how much trouble you’ll get into for helping me?” she asked nervously.

            “I don’t care.”

            “You _should_ care,” she said quickly. “You’ll be accused of treason too.”

            “I’m starting to get the feeling you don’t want me here.” He crossed his arms in frustration. “Did I hurt you too?”

            “No,” she squeaked, and glanced around again. “But I can’t let you take the fall for me.”

            “I’m not-” It was too late, she’d already jumped. “Ahsoka!” He ran to the edge and looked over just in time to see her flip and land on a descending ship. “Kriff!” he spat angrily, looking around. None of the other ships were near enough or moving fast enough to catch up with her. He had half a mind to call Rex and tell them to search lower instead because he had no idea how he was going to find her now. But right before he did, he remembered that he’d sent them off on a fool’s errand to keep them away. So now he had two choices; trust that she’ll figure it out without his help or find a way to help her.

            It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her to do so, but he knew nobody would accept any evidence she’d find on her own because they’d assume she’d doctored it somehow.

            He forgot about the clones and found his way back to the surface, hopping a taxi back to the temple. 

            He didn’t know what to do for her, or how to help her. All he knew for sure was that he couldn’t lose her. 

He was halfway down the hall to his room when he heard her name. He looked around wondering who had said it. The hallway was mostly deserted. He closed his eyes, quieted his mind and listened with the force.

            “There’s an abandoned warehouse on the lower levels, it might have the clues you need. Be careful, Ahsoka.”

            “Thanks, Barriss!”

 _Barriss_. She’d ask Barriss for help but not him? Why?  He was about to move on in frustration when he thought about asking her how she was, and he returned to her door. Though he stood there for a moment feeling stupid. Was he annoyed that she seemed to trust her friend more than her master, or was there something else that was bugging him?

            He almost made up his mind to leave when her door opened. He stared at her for a moment in confusion because he almost hadn’t recognized her. She was dressed in all black, no longer wearing her normal long robes, she’d traded it out for pants and a shirt. She’d tucked her hair back not in her normal blue scarf but under a black hood.

            She stopped right before hitting him and looked up in surprise. “Master Skywalker?” He furrowed his brow at her, wondering why she’d seemed so rattled to see him standing there.

            “Going somewhere?” he asked curiously.

            “Uh, yeah, um... to the library,” she replied quickly but took a step back.

            “Do you often dress like this when going to the library?”

            “Perhaps I needed a change of pace,” she countered. “I thought you were trying to find your padawan?”

            “I was,” he said simply, half tempted to pace but was also rooted to the spot. He had a bad feeling the longer he watched her. If she was helping Ahsoka, why was she so uncomfortable under his gaze? Unless she thought she’d get in trouble for helping her. “But something tells me you know exactly where she is.”

            “Of course not!” She glanced around and then past him.

            “You’re a terrible liar, Barriss,” he said, stepping into her room. She backed up again. “I overheard you talking to her. Tell me where she is!”

            She shifted again as though to reach for her lightsaber and he used the force to pull it to his hand. “You really think she’s guilty? No wonder she didn’t ask you for help!”

            “No, I don’t, but I can’t help her if I don’t know where to find her.”

            “Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell the person who is trying to get her arrested!”

            “You sent her to an abandoned warehouse on the lower levels. You said there was evidence there that would clear her name.” That’s when it finally clicked. “But how did you know about the warehouse unless you were involved?”

            She kicked her stool at him and twirled past him, running into the hallway.

            “Barriss!” he yelled, leaping back to his feet and chasing her down the hall. “You were about to meet her at the warehouse, weren’t you?” She pushed her way through some others that were walking down another corridor. He jumped over them and continued down the stairs. “Answer me! Why did you frame my padawan for treason? She was your friend!”

            Barriss turned down the hallway to her left and he screeched to a halt as soon as he rounded the corner. “Know this, we’d like to.” Master Yoda stood on the other side of her between Obi Wan and Windu who had both drawn their lightsabers.

            “I didn’t,” she said breathlessly, backing up, but then she saw him and froze as he felt two temple guards coming up behind him. 

            “Skywalker, why aren’t you trying to find your padawan?” Windu asked.

            “I was, Master,” he said. “But I lost track of her. I came back to the temple to clear my head and regroup and I overheard Barriss telling her about an abandoned warehouse with evidence in it. When I questioned how she knew about the warehouse, she ran from me.”

            “Is this true, Miss Offee?” Obi Wan asked, right as master Luminara joined the group. “Did you frame Ahsoka for treason?”

            She looked frantically at her master and then dropped her head. “Yes,” she whispered. 

            “Why? Why did you frame my padawan?” he asked angrily, ready to lunge at her but remembered at the last second that half the council was there. 

            “Because I’ve come to learn it is the Jedi standing in the way of victory!” she said surprisingly passionately. “And we all must face trial!”

            “Well you’re about to,” he said through gritted teeth. “But that still doesn’t explain why you betrayed your best friend!”

            Before she could answer, the temple guardians pushed past him and placed force blocking shackles on her wrists and Yoda directed them to take her away. He was so mad he needed to go blow off steam. But then he remembered Rex and the other clones were still looking for Ahsoka. Which then reminded him that Ahsoka had been sent to a warehouse that could be potentially dangerous. 

            He started running down the hallway, back towards the entrance of the temple. He pressed his comm button and called the troops off once he’d hopped into a taxi. 

            “Ahsoka!” He ran into the warehouse thirty minutes later. 

            “Master, I found it! I found proof!”

            “Ahsoka, it’s okay. You don’t need it.”

            “What do you mean?” She asked in confusion. 

            “The charges against you have been dropped.”

            “What? How?”

            He stepped up to her and pulled her into a hug. She started in surprise at the intensity with which he’d needed to hold her. He still had lingering anger at Barriss, but if Ahsoka hadn’t of jumped anyways, he might never have found out who was responsible. Obi Wan had commed him on his way to the warehouse to inform him that the sentence passed was death. How narrowly Ahsoka had missed being put to death scared him far more than he wanted to admit. 

            “What’s going on, Master?” she breathed looking up at his face right as a tear rolled down his cheek. This was almost worse than that mission where she’d almost froze to death. He felt like he was losing control. It was bad enough trying to protect her from the enemy, now he had to protect her from her friends too? He couldn’t handle this, he couldn’t lose her. “Anakin?”

            The sob hit him before he could stop it. “What’s happening to us, Ahsoka? Why is the world going crazy? Friends turning on friends?”

            “Uh...” she started nervously. “Well with the war, I guess everybody’s scared.”

            “I’m scared too.”

            “Master, what’s going on?” She glanced around. “Wait... how did you find me?”

            “Barriss,” he spat, trying to pull himself together. “She set you up. She sent you here to make sure you were found with the incriminating evidence.”

            “No, not Barriss! Why would she do that?”

            “I don’t know, Ahsoka,” he said, slumping onto a nearby crate. “But if I hadn’t of stopped her, she would have made sure you were found with this stuff. Then it would be you that was sentenced to death. This war is getting more and more messed up. If we can’t even trust our fellow Jedi, who can we trust?”


	10. Chapter 10

            He heard a soft knock on his door and smiled in anticipation. The last couple months had been rough as they fought through their doubts about everything going on. Ahsoka was struggling to understand why Barriss had turned on her, and he was struggling more and more with decisions the council was making. At least, however, she’d come back to him when they’d allowed her to return to the order after her name had been completely cleared.

            He’d felt her hesitation though, still shaken from the events that had led up to the arrest. But at the very least, it had brought them closer. Though their faith in everything around them had been shaken, at least they had each other. So, it was little moments like these, he looked forward to everyday. 

            She slipped inside his room a few seconds later and he quickly swept her up into his arms, kissing the side of her face. She giggled but tried to keep the volume down.

            “I was starting to think you weren’t going to make it,” he teased as she wriggled around until she was facing him.

            “I wouldn’t miss it,” she smiled. Which of course made him smile. They’d been taking things slow, but after what happened, he hadn’t been able to hold back anymore. He’d kissed her passionately, surprising her with his need, but then she’d completely surprised him by meeting it. He hadn’t been absolutely sure if she felt the same way, though she’d made every effort to show she wanted to stay with him. She just hadn’t really hinted at any romantic feelings until their kiss. Now it felt as though they’d been a couple since the beginning, as though everything made perfect sense. 

            So now in the late hours of the night, whenever they were able, they’d take turns sneaking to each other’s room just to be together. 

            “You know what’s funny?” she asked, falling back onto his bed. He tried to lay next to her, but that hurt his back because the bed wasn’t very wide. Ultimately, he had to sit up.

            “What?” She sat up on her elbows and looked up at him and he loved the way her eyes sparkled as though they had their own illumination. Maybe they did, he didn’t know much about Togruta, except that they could hear and see better than humans.

            “I’ve spent so many years of my life trying my hardest to be the perfect Jedi. But then you came along and ruined it in a couple years.”

            “I ruined it?” he pouted, and she tipped her head back and laughed. “I thought  _you_ were the one that asked to be my padawan. Therefore,  _you_  ruined it. You knew what I was like before you were assigned to me. I know, because you reminded me of it every second that first day.”

            “Yeah, I asked to be your padawan, but you’re the teacher and yet here we are…” Her voice turned sad suddenly. “Pretending…” She fell back flat again and stared at the ceiling. He shrugged his shoulder and turned so his feet were over his pillow and his head was on her stomach. She brought her hand up absentmindedly to run her fingers through his hair.

            “Pretending,” he repeated thoughtfully. “Pretending to be Jedi?” He hadn’t really thought of it that way, but she was right. When had he ever been a real Jedi? Maybe in title, but…

            “Do you ever ask yourself why you stay?” she whispered after awhile.

            “All the time,” he admitted. “I feel like it’s my duty, that I can’t abandon them now. That they need me.” Her fingers moved down to his face and he leaned into them as they stroked his cheek.

            “I used to believe in that duty.” Her voice was barely above a whisper and cracked with emotion. “I believed all of it.” He rolled to the side, so he could look up at her chin after a few minutes went by and she didn’t say anything else. “What if Barriss was right?”

            “Ahsoka, I told you. She was ranting like a madman. Nothing she said made sense.” He tried to cut into her doubts, he had to break her out of it. This line of thinking was dangerous, and they couldn’t afford to go down this path.

            “Maybe, but it obviously came from somewhere. Don’t you ever wonder what led her to that conclusion? You’ve admitted yourself that the council makes more and more questionable decisions. Maybe something happened to her, maybe-” she trailed off when he leaned over her, looking up at him nervously. 

            “Trying to find sympathy for terrorists is dangerous territory,” he scolded. “I know she was your friend, but trying to understand why she did it will-”

            “Will what?” she asked in annoyance, pushing him away. “Will make me do the same thing? You really think I could turn on them like that? I may not agree with everything the council does, but I would never willingly hurt them or anyone else.” He grabbed her arm before she got very far away. 

            “That’s not what I was saying.” He tried to take a deep breath to calm down. “You believe in protecting and serving the people, right?”

            “Well, yes…”

            “And you believe the Jedi are trying to do that, whether or not they do it right?”

            “Yes.” She dropped her head. 

            “Then you can’t let someone’s delusional rantings go to your head,” he said finally, hoping that was the end of the discussion. She stared at him for a moment, her eyes still a little wider than normal and then she dropped her forehead against his chest, and he hugged her tight.

            “Have you ever noticed how every Separatist we face, tell us that the Republic is corrupt?” she breathed, and he felt a chill run through him. “I’m not saying they’re right, but don’t you think we ought to at least look into their claims? Maybe there’s something we’re not seeing…”

            “Ahsoka…” He ran his fingers down her cheek when she looked up at him. “The enemy will always try to make us doubt what we fight for, it’s a tactic of war. If we waiver now, we put thousands, perhaps millions, of lives on the line.”

            “Or maybe we stop blindly following and save millions more.” She slid out of his embrace and moved over to the window, staring out through the slits in the blinds rubbing her arms as though she were cold. “I believe that when the war started, the council’s intentions were good,” she said quietly, but there was a strange power in her voice; conviction, he realized. “But now all I see is them trying to save their own reputation in the eyes of the senate.” She turned on him and he froze before he’d managed to reach for her. “I’ve done nothing but serve them loyally from the beginning. I worked hard, I fought hard, I did everything I could to prove to them that nothing mattered to me more than the Jedi code. But then when I needed their support the most… they didn’t believe in me. Not even a little.” Her voice changed, it became hollow and he wanted nothing more than to hold her, but for whatever reason, struggled to move. Her words scared him. They felt like treason. They felt like they were leading them into unknown regions; down a dark path. What would he be without the Jedi? Without the Republic? The only other life he’d ever known was as a slave.

            “They made a mistake-” She blinked up at him and he fell silent again.

            “How many others are they making?” He swallowed hard, not sure how to answer that. He wished he could assure her, he wished he could pull her in his arms and tell her everything would be alright, but he couldn’t. Because whether he liked it or not, she spoke the doubts he’d been harboring for too long. She said the words he feared to say. He disagreed with the council, he feared where they were going, he saw them fall further and further from what it meant to be a Jedi... but he feared leaving more. He feared branching out on their own, trying to find their place in the world. He feared not having their support, or their help. 

            But when he looked in Ahsoka’s eyes, he realized that what he feared the most, she was already living with. Everything he feared to lose, she’d already lost. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to comfort her. He didn’t know if he could help her. She was right, they were both pretending. Maybe her more than him. 

            He finally kicked himself to move and he grabbed her, pulling her close, kissing her deeply. She didn’t fight it, but he felt the emptiness she was feeling pump through him too. He felt her helplessness, her fear. He was scared to leave, but he was scared to lose her too. 

            “Whatever happens, we do this together.” He took her face in both his hands when they finally come up for air. “Wherever, whenever...  _however_... we do it together. I won’t abandon you, Ahsoka.”

 

—-

 

            His comm buzzed awhile later, and he moved quickly to shut it off, so it didn’t wake her too. She was snuggled against his chest. He shifted so he could turn away, so the lights wouldn’t disturb her and he clicked the button. A small hologram of the chancellor appeared above his wrist.

            “Anakin, my boy,” he said quickly. “Please come to my office right away, I have something urgent I need to discuss with you.”

            “I’m on my way, your excellency,” he whispered and gave a quick bow. He clicked it off and looked over at Ahsoka. 

            He didn’t want to leave her right now, but it would hardly be appropriate for her to come too. If the chancellor was calling this late, it meant he needed to talk to him alone. Something he definitely didn't want any of the other Jedi to know about. 

            He carefully crawled out of bed and tucked the blanket around her. He kissed her softly on the cheek and left a quick note that he’d be back in a bit so she didn’t worry if she woke up. Then he slipped out of the room.

            “You wanted to see me, Chancellor?” he asked, stopping in front of his desk and putting his hands behind his back.

            “Thank you for coming so quickly, my boy,” Chancellor Palpatine said. “I have a rather delicate matter to discuss.”

            “How can I be of service?”

            “I have just received word from some of our spies, that Count Dooku is meeting with some Republic senators to discuss a change of affiliation. Unfortunately, without these key worlds, the Republic will lose important resources which could cost us this war. I need someone I can trust to deal with this problem.”

            “Of course, your excellency. I can ask the council-”

            “No,” his old friend interrupted. “I’m afraid the council can’t know about this mission.”

            “But-” Chancellor Palpatine patted his shoulder and he fell silent.

            “The Jedi council won’t put aside their beliefs long enough to give the Republic the upper hand. But what I’m about to ask of you, my boy, will overstep them. I need to know that your loyalty is to the Republic first.”

            “What exactly will I be doing if I accept, Chancellor?” he asked, trying to hide his nerves. Though he agreed with the chancellor’s assessment of the council, he didn’t like the position he was putting him in. Sneaking behind their backs meant going against their code of conduct. No matter what the outcome of the mission, something like that could get him expelled from the order. Was he willing to sacrifice his position as a Jedi to end the war? He thought about what Ahsoka had said about how they were both pretending to be Jedi.

            “I need you to infiltrate the location of their meeting. I need you to stop Count Dooku before he succeeds at rallying these other planets to his cause. But what I’m asking of you is without permission of the senate, it completely defies the rules of engagement. You’ll be going alone, and if you don’t succeed, I’m afraid there will be nothing I can do to save you from the consequences of insubordination. Do you understand the stakes?”

            “You want me to kill Dooku,” he confirmed. “But I’ll be operating outside the law.”

            “Yes,” Palpatine said. “I can’t officially sanction such an aggressive act but stopping Dooku will surely end the war.”

            He curled his fingers into a fist. “I’ll do it, Chancellor.”  _But not alone._


	11. Chapter 11

          “What I’m about to ask of you goes against everything the Republic stands for, and the Jedi.” He looked from face to face of the men he’d come to rely on so heavily throughout this war. Battle hardened,  _elite_. As far as he was concerned, there were no better soldiers than the 501st. “If we fail, we stand to lose our ranks, our positions and very possibly be put to death for our actions.” Ahsoka paced around behind him. He could feel her agitation but when he’d told her of the mission, she hadn’t even hesitated to come along. “But if we win, we could stop this conflict, we could end the war, we could return as heroes. If any of you have doubts or don’t wish to be a part of this, you may leave now, no hard feelings.”

          Ahsoka stopped pacing and stepped up beside him. Otherwise, nobody moved. He felt a rush of pride for his men. He didn’t want to drag them down too, but even though the chancellor had said he had to do this alone, he needed them with him. And he needed Ahsoka. Without them, he was certain, he’d have no chance at succeeding. But that put the rest of them in a very precarious situation. 

          He watched Rex glance up and down the line of soldiers at attention and then he stepped forward and saluted. “Awaiting orders,” he said.

          Once he went over the battle plan, the men went to prepare the ship, while he and Ahsoka hung back in the hanger for a moment. He hadn’t had much chance to tell her exactly what was going on, only that he was about to do something that could get him into a lot of trouble with both the Republic and the order. At first, he’d hesitated to even wake her, not wanting her to get involved in something that could get her into trouble too, especially after all the trial and everything she’d already gone through. But then he’d remembered that he’d promised her that whatever happened, they’d do it together. He also didn’t like the idea of putting her in this kind of danger…

          “Hey,” she said suddenly, smacking his arm.

          He shook his head to clear it and looked at her. “What?”

          “You’re always telling me my thoughts create my reality. So, if you want us to succeed, stop thinking we won’t.”

          “Who made you such a little know it all?” he smirked.

          “I learned from the best,” she teased.

          “It’s just… I want to end the war, I’m not afraid of that…”

          “I know,” she said, squeezing his arm.

          “What if something happens?” he asked worriedly. “What if I put them all in danger? What if I get them killed? What if I get  _you_  killed?” She grabbed his face and kissed him. He stared at her kind of dazed when she let go. “What was that for?”

          “What are you thinking about now?”

          “You…”

          She smiled. “Good. Now listen to me. We know the Jedi don’t always take the steps required to end the war, no matter what their intentions, this horrible thing has gone on long enough. No matter how dangerous this mission is, if there’s a chance to stop it right now, we  _have_  to take it. For that, I’d gladly sacrifice myself, my position or my rank. And I know every one of the 501st feels exactly the same way, that’s why they’re still here. So stop putting every death or injury or failure on yourself. We’re in this together,” she said passionately. “You might be the general, but we’re the ones choosing to follow you.”

          “You seem way too keen on disobeying the Jedi.”

          “Let’s just say, I have a fresh perspective on the situation,” she murmured, balling her hands in a fist. He reached down and took her fists in his hands, working her fingers apart again.

          “Ahsoka,” he said when she finally relaxed her hand. “I know what you’re feeling, but if we’re going to do this, I need to know you’re here for the mission, not just to get back at the council.” Her eyes flitted to his face, but she didn’t say anything. “I need  _you_  here, for this. I need your focus, your calm and your fearlessness.”

          She took a deep breath. “Then you have it,” she said with conviction. He ran the fingers of his left hand down her cheek.

          “No matter how this ends, it ends now.” She nodded in agreement and he kissed her deeply. “It’s time for Dooku to meet his maker.”

          “Right beside you,” she said. They held hands until they left the hanger and then for appearance sake, broke apart as they made their way to the bridge.

          “Admiral,” he addressed Yularan when they stopped on the command deck. “Prepare for takeoff.”

          He knew the departure of a whole cruiser would draw attention. He knew someone would notice and that someone would call, which he ignored. But he had to admit, had Ahsoka not been standing next to him he might not have had the nerve to follow through. He looked around him, memorizing every face hoping this wouldn’t be the last time he saw them. Hoping he wasn’t leading them all to their death. Each and everyone on this cruiser knew what they were doing, they knew what was at stake, they knew this wasn’t a sanctioned mission, but every single one of them had chosen to follow him into the unknown. The pride he felt in his men and his padawan were unparalleled. And if Ahsoka hadn’t been poking him occasionally, he might have drowned in the fear.

          Never before had he been so scared to start a mission. But this one had the highest stakes imaginable. He really hoped he knew what he was doing.

          “Cut the comms,” he ordered, and the deck officer nodded. There was no going back now. Ahsoka squeezed his hand and he took a deep breath. “Turn off the tracker.” He met eye contact with Admiral Yularan who tipped his head ever so slightly. He couldn’t believe they were really going through with this. “Jump to hyperspace.”

          The ship lurched and shot forward. He forced himself to breathe, struggling to fight the dread and worry.


	12. Chapter 12

          He felt the unmistakable tickle of danger and he spun around, expecting magnaguards or battle droids. Instead he watched a blaster bolt go right through where his head had been and saw Ahsoka pin someone to the ground, a lightsaber to his throat. It took him a moment to register what he was seeing. Fives kicked the blaster from Tup’s hand, Rex jerked him to his feet, Jesse threw cuffs around his wrists and Ahsoka growled.

          “Why did you try to kill the general?” she demanded. 

          “Good soldiers follow orders,” Tup said sounding trancelike, his eyes unfocused.

          “Whose orders?”

          But Tup just repeated what he’d said before, rocking back and forth. He met eye contact with Rex who looked concerned and confused. He glanced at Fives who looked worried and troubled. Ahsoka looked over her shoulder at him and he finally moved up next to her, looking Tup up and down. 

          Admittedly he was a bit shaken, unsure what to say. Tup was a loyal soldier, one of the best he had. Why would he turn on him now? Had he been ordered to kill him? If so, by who? Why did he come on the mission if he had no intention of helping him? No one but his crew and the chancellor knew about this mission. So how had someone found out? Or had he been planning this for awhile?

          Ahsoka nudged him subtly but he still didn’t know what to do. Normally he’d demand to know what was happening, but every step they made this trip was in unknown territory. They couldn’t call the council, they couldn’t ask for help, and right now, there was no way to leave without blowing their chance at stopping Dooku. And based on everybody else’s reactions, they were just as confused as he was, so making demands or accusations right now wouldn’t help. 

          He stooped in front of him trying to look him in the eyes, but it seemed as though he wasn’t in control. They darted everywhere but at him. His mouth worked but only occasionally sound came out. When it did, it went back and forth between ‘kill the Jedi,’ and ‘good soldiers follow orders.’ Both of which unnerved him. 

          “Do you think Dooku knows we’re here?” Ahsoka prompted after he failed to speak. 

          “You think he mind controlled him?” he asked. 

          “I don’t know what to think,” she said. “But if I hadn’t of tackled him, you’d be dead right now.”

          “We should take him back to the ship, sir,” Rex suggested.

          “That’s not possible right now, Captain,” he said straightening. “We’d risk exposure. As it is, we’re going in blind and we need every advantage we can get.”

          “Can’t you see something’s wrong with him?” Fives asked. “Tup would never do that.”

          “I know,” he said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. “But we have to stop Dooku before we can get to the bottom of this. Otherwise we’ll never end this war.”

          Finally kicking himself into gear, he ordered two clones to find a secure location to hold him and keep him quiet while the rest of them completed the mission. Fives got increasingly agitated and finally he conceded to let him stay behind with Tup. He didn’t like it, because he needed Fives on the frontlines. But he was shaken up too badly to focus. The others also seemed a bit nervous and confused, but none of them asked to stay behind and he ordered them to push forward. 

          As far as they knew, they’d landed on the planet undetected. But they couldn’t contact the cruiser in case their transmissions were discovered. For now they had to make it to the meeting location as stealthily as possible, while the indomitable waited a short jump away for extraction orders. 

          He was sure they were on the right track though, because he could sense Dooku nearby. Getting to him was the problem. The scouts had reported that he didn’t appear to be heavily guarded, but he knew better than to underestimate his defenses. If he was trying to win over important planets to his cause, he’d want to do it discreetly, but based on what they’d already discovered, the senators had likely demanded protection. It turned his stomach to think about people trusted by the Republic sneaking around behind their backs to do illegal dealings with the Separatists. 

          A ship flew past overhead and he signaled everyone to get down. Though as soon as he looked through his monoculars, he felt a rush of anger course through him. It couldn’t be true. Padmé was here? The Nubian starship was unmistakeable; its sleek and shiny chromium underbelly glinted in the sun. 

          He turned his head to see Ahsoka studying him. She didn’t say anything, but he saw the question in her eyes. She’d seen it too and she wasn’t stupid. She knew what this meant. The senator of Naboo meeting with Count Dooku... who else would be here that he didn’t want to lose faith in?

          He was struggling to swallow his anger as they made it to the outskirts of the city. Ahsoka signaled the clones to stay down and jerked him into a small alcove.

          “What is wrong with you?” she asked. “You’re a mess. Your energy is all over the map.”

          “You saw the ship,” he growled.

          “Yeah, I saw it, but why did that set you off?”

          “Padmé, I mean Senator Amidala, is one of the strongest supporters the Republic has. If Naboo is thinking about seceding, who else will follow? She’s very influential; close friends with Alderaan, Chandrila, Corellia, Rhodia... if the Republic loses all of them, there’s no way we’ll win this war.”

          “Hey,” she said. “Look at me.” It took him a moment to focus on her. “We have a mission to complete. We have to stop Dooku.”

          “I know that!”

          “I know you know that,” she muttered. “But whatever history with the senator you have, you better put it aside. Dooku will use it against you.”

“You think I don’t know that?” he said in annoyance. 

          “I know you know it,” she said a little softer. “But if I can take one look at you and tell that Senator Amidala’s presence disturbed you beyond the implications to the Republic, then you _know_ Dooku will sense more than that.”

          He sighed and dropped his head in his hands. Ahsoka was right of course. She was always right. But he didn’t want to have to tell her about his history with the senator. Well, no actual history he supposed since Padmé had completely rejected him. Apparently, that still stung.

          He tried to shake away the frustration and sorrow and blinked back up to see Ahsoka studying him again. “You love her,” she said thoughtfully.

          “What? No,” he said quickly. 

          She looked like she was going to say something else but was interrupted by his comm beeping. They glanced out from around the alcove and saw Kix waving to them urgently. After one final glance at each other, they both ran back to the rest of the group.

          “Fives called,” Kix said. “Tup is going into seizures. I have to go back and check him out.” 

          “Go take care of him,” Ahsoka said before he had a chance to make a decision. It took a surprising amount of willpower to not scowl at her. It wasn’t that he would have given a different order, because how could he deny any of his soldiers medical care? Even if they had tried to shoot him? But there was more and more unease spreading through him at what was happening. And now several of his best soldiers wouldn’t be there to help. 

          He glanced back at Ahsoka as she picked two others to make sure Kix made it back to Tup and Fives in one piece. As he watched the three of them turn and leave, heading back the way they’d come, he mentally did the math. They were now down seven soldiers. That left him and Ahsoka, Rex, Jesse, and about a dozen that were fairly new to his legion and he hadn’t had time yet to get to know. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, feeling in the force.

          He could sense their unease on top of his own. He could feel their confusion and uncertainty. Their worry about Tup, the increasing doubts about their odds and the mission. He could even sense that some of them were questioning whether staking their entire careers to follow him on this unsanctioned mission was truly worth it. And as much as that concerned him, he really couldn’t blame them.

          Maybe he should have done it alone or brought just Ahsoka. But would that have been enough to take down Dooku? He turned his senses to her. Though she too, had some concern and worry in her energy, she seemed surprisingly stable and bright. Despite her willingness to go behind the council’s back, to disobey... despite how much she’d been questioning her place before coming along, she was firmly rooted presently.

          Her words echoed in his head; _you love her_... It hadn’t been a question. Nor had it been in past tense. And it suddenly disturbed him that she had so easily recognized a past he’d been trying to forget. Yes, he’d loved Padmé. He’d obsessed over her for ten years before she’d rejected him when they’d been reunited. But despite his anger and hurt over it, he’d thought his longing for her had faded. At least, now that he had Ahsoka, he shouldn’t be wanting Padmé at all. 

          He opened his eyes and watched her for a moment while she talked to Jesse and Rex. She was no longer the annoying little kid he’d been burdened with four years earlier. She was a strong, powerful and confident young woman. Not only that, she’d blossomed into a stunningly beautiful one as well. If he’d have ever thought that his feisty little Togruta padawan would someday be someone he couldn’t live without, he’d have admitted himself to the healing ward for fear he’d finally lost it. But now the idea that she’d sensed lingering feelings he had for Padmé brought fear racing to the surface. What if he ruined things with Ahsoka? What if he failed her like he’d failed his mother? What if she thought he didn’t really love her and walked away? What would happen to him then?

          “Master?” He blinked and looked up, surprised to find her right in front of him. Suddenly all his fears gripped him tighter; the thought of her pretty face not being there, or her comforting presence, or her calming light. “Anakin?” she whispered, as he stumbled back and landed on a rock. She touched him on his thigh, leaning closer. He brought his hand over hers and gripped it tightly. “Did you have a vision?”

          He shook his head, trying to pull himself together. What he’d just seen was no normal vision. It was a nightmare. Not one induced by the force, but still just as frightening. “Ahsoka,” he gasped. She furrowed her brow, looking him over in concern.

          “Should I call Kix back?”

          He shook his head. “Please... don’t ever leave me...”

          “What?” she asked in surprise. “Why would I leave you?”

          “Padmé...” Just her name hurt his mouth and throat and chest. 

          She glanced around, and apparently satisfied the others were occupied or distracted, she grabbed his face in both her hands. “I don’t know what past you have with the senator, but I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again, you’re stuck with me, Skyguy.” She gave him a quick but intense kiss on the lips. “Now... are we going to stop Dooku or sit here and panic?”

          “But we’re down seven people...”

          “Yeah, and we’ve completed more dangerous missions with less. Dooku doesn’t know we’re here. Whatever is going on with Tup isn’t caused by him, I’m sure of it. But right now, we need to focus before he gets wind that we _are_ here.”

          “Ahsoka...”

          She smacked him lightly on the knee, “I’m right beside you, let’s go.” He was surprised to hear the order in her words. Who was the master now? Either that meant he’d taught her well, or she was too done with everything going on now to care about the chain of command. At least she seemed to be more glued together then himself. In fact, he had half a mind to tell the troops she was in charge now. And frankly, she’d probably handle it better than he was. But her strength and confidence was somehow contagious and he managed to pull himself back to his feet and roll his shoulders.


End file.
